PrintApril 2, 2011
What If I Mother My Kids the Way Barack Obama Governs?
Every now and then -- as if from the mouths of progressive babes -- one of our children utters a remark that is seemingly profound, and sadly naïve. And it makes me wonder: what if children being raised in the White House really are the "luckiest lucky kids on Earth"?
No one can know the scrutiny -- the constant spotlight on every gaffe and awkward moment for all to see -- the child of a celebrity parent endures, let alone a child of the leader of the Free World. I certainly wouldn't wish it on my own children who -- for all their lack of obedient staff and taxpayer coffers -- have only known the great and lamentably rare luxury of a "normal" childhood.
Our children will never know the presidential luxuries, and I will never have a taxpayer funded staff in-waiting -- after all, my "coffer" is the Obamas' coffer -- but what if I at least had the luxury of raising children in the same manner with which Obama "leads"? Perhaps a double standard would be luxury enough?
I don't really believe in the institution of parenting so much as improving upon it, so under my plan I will have but one perfect child.
I will receive great adoration for nothing more than the sacrifice of becoming a parent. I will throw parties in my own honor, and relish in the adulations. I will be called a martyr for my selflessness, as I sacrifice myself for the good of all children. I will boast constantly -- not of my child's accomplishments, but my tutelage. After all, my objective is power and accolades, not her well-being.
I won't necessarily guide my child, so much as be "present." Tales will be told far and wide of her birth -- my heroism and pain -- and the hospital staff will agree. In fact, they will happily embellish the story, and omit any compromising details, including my incessant sporting, partying, and traveling at the most inopportune moments.
I will deny her heritage, save any injustices her ancestors may have faced. I will deny the generations of selfless men -- many who gave their lives -- to protect her inalienable rights. Men who sacrificed for their generation so that subsequent generations could live better and more free lives. I will not tell her of the countless advances, technologies, and luxuries that we live under -- all, not just some -- thanks to the ingenuity of fellow citizens. And I most certainly will not teach her of the prosperity that comes with freedom, and freedom with prosperity.
I will dismiss her other parent and caregivers entirely. If my other half insists on being involved, I will destroy him by sabotage, ridicule, pinning my own misdeeds on him, and organizing others against him.
I will welcome a committee of parents in my journey. I will receive advice on every decision, both transparent and covert. I will welcome dangerous radicals, the Godless, pedophiles, and anti-Americans into our decisions. Not just because my failures as a parent will be easier to hide or blame on someone else, and not just because success isn't necessarily my objective, but because committees are always infinitely ineffective which will only help me in disguising my real objectives.
I will speak to her of personal responsibility and working hard in school as I simultaneously grow my control over her, even economically enslaving her.
Despite our dire financial situation, we will enjoy extravagant shopping trips with no regard to budget. The bills will simply go to someone else. And there will be plenty of time for such indulgences. Homework will be of little consequence since actual accomplishments can be bartered according to special dispensations.
I will drop her at play dates and soccer games, and other pursuits of all things kinetic. I will give her opponents our playbook, and cripple our best players in the name of "fairness." Winning is never the objective. I will root for the success of some teams, but not others. I will watch some be bullied, and allow some I may, myself, be intimidated by or infatuated with, to bully.
I will invite her friends over and pick winners, losers, and favorites. I will turn them against one another. I will embolden her friends who wish her harm, even as I cripple her own defense.
I will create enormous chaos in her life -- confusion, insecurity, and economic misery. When her life seems beyond hope, she will come to me, and remain dependent on me. I will tell her she will always know "where I stand" as I constantly change my mind, making erratic decisions not necessarily in her best interest. I will even look the other way when radicals enter her room -- locks removed -- to do her harm.
The other mothers will laugh at me, but I won't care because the perks I enjoy far outweigh the sacrifice. Besides, they're the crazy ones. I can find other friends to worship me, even while I continue to use old friends for my purposes. Do they think this job is easy? Do they think I asked for this? Children aren't raised overnight, you know? These things take time.
And at the end of every exhausting day, I will turn to my teleprompter [touch her face softly] and [whispering] say, "goodnight, sweet child. Your fundamental transformation continues."
Would even a leftist raise a child in this manner? Obama certainly doesn't raise his two beautiful, bright, privileged girls as anything but a loving and responsible parent. But this is the manner Obama chooses to "nurture" this country -- this precious adolescent of just 235 years -- which he is temporarily entrusted with protecting. Leftists can rationalize the misery they inflict any way they like, but it does eventually affect even their own.
Let me be clear. Leaders -- just as parents -- are called to act with a "servant's heart," not a progressive's soul.
