You’ve seen the commercials; you know, the embarrassing ones that pop up just when you’ve let your 10-year-old daughter stay up late for a movie. The ad sets a scene where a slinky blonde, brunette, or other lies on a bed amidst mounds of soft pillows, her smoldering gaze beckoning her man to join her. A seductive lavender scent fills the air, the lights are dimmed, and all systems are go. Her date reads the signals, makes his move, and then? Then nothing; crunch time, everything’s on the line, and he’s a flop.

That’s exactly what happened in the 2014 elections. Republican candidates whispered sweet nothings in the voter’s ears, promised satisfaction, fulfillment, even ecstasy if the voters would just let them in on the action. 

The people, having been screwed six ways to Sunday by Democrats without so much as a $20 bill left on the nightstand, gave Republicans their shot. In 2014 the people elected a Republican Senate and House, the equivalent of a perfumed envelope with a room key. The Republicans were sworn in, took their venerable seats, then when the moment was right, when Republican voters should have been screaming “YES!” into the night, nothing. Everything at stake, all-in with your chips, and a big fat no-show.

So between Democrats (wham, bam, thank you, ma'am) and Republicans (just can’t get it up) where can the people turn? History doesn’t bode well for our future. The whole time Democrats were using the Constitution for target practice, the Republicans were like little kids waving their arms high in the air yelling, ‘over here, look at me’. 

The people did look at them and found hope, a party who would repeal ObamaCare, reduce the debt, seal the border, and stop this lawless president.  So okay, next up a Republican Congress with a majority in both houses, an empowered Congress, pumped up to do the job right. But then we see the truth, Republicans weren’t helpless because they were a minority, that’s just who they are. No excuses this time just the facts:

Our Republican majorities didn’t stop ObamaCare, they funded it. They didn’t reduce the national debt, they raised the debt ceiling to increase it. They didn’t stop Obama’s illegal immigration, they subsidized it. And the real letdown, they didn’t’ stop Obama. In fact, they passed a trade bill to increase his powers and imperil U.S. sovereignty. 

They’re halfway to approving Ex-Im’s resuscitation, more corporate welfare, and working overtime to find a way to pass Iran’s bill, more terrorist welfare, and the list goes on.

Oh, they claim they passed conservative bills but those small gestures were mere foreplay, actions to foreshadow a supposedly mind-blowing climax; not the wimpy surrender we’ve seen. The voters could prop them up, make excuses for their failures, but that would be wrong because it implies the failure is on the voter’s part. 

Nope, not going there, the voters were seduced, lied to, strung along, and manipulated by candidates who uploaded phony profiles to lure unsuspecting souls in. No danger of exposure for who they really are because the American people don’t have time to dig into resumes or do background checks. They’re busy trying to have a life, working 40 to 60 hour weeks to provide a home for their families, pay for the entire country’s healthcare, and support the 12 million illegal immigrants who broke into this country. So they do what they can, sort through the profiles, see which suitor looks the part, has the most seductive lines, and sounds like they’re on the same page with American’s beliefs and goals. 

Then the voters pick one and start the mind-boggling process all over again. They go through the casual meet-ups in coffee shops, the texts, the phone calls, and the promises. Too soon they’re in the bedroom, ready to close the deal and take the relationship to a whole new level and then? Then nothing; no mind-blowing sex, no

Republicans-to-the rescue, nothing.

The bottom line, voters have no real choice. They can again go with Democrats but that was not only an unsatisfying relationship, it was outright abusive. Or they can stick with Republicans who can’t get up the courage to fight the encroaching socialism, can’t deliver on their promises to rescue America from the extreme left. Whose impotence results in the president, media, courts, even Scotus marching undeterred towards America’s destruction.

Hopefully, if Republicans do get another shot, their brilliant party strategists will see the problem, sympathize with our nonperforming crew, and order a case of Viagra. Hold it, make that two cases, the 2016 presidential primaries are in full swing. We don’t want to be left staring at the ceiling yet again, wondering what happened; or even worse, what didn’t happen.