If only conservatives were kinder, gentler and more "with it."  Who could stop us?  Certainly not Democrats.

So the secret to conservative political success today is to act more like liberals, and they will like us more, too.

Anyone who has spent more than ten minutes with any Republican functionary attached to some aspiring Republican office-holder knows the pitch:

Trump?  He has no right to be here.

Abortion?  I might not have one myself, but it is rather inconvenient to ask others to make the same choice.

Global warming?  We have to save the Earth, or what will Katie Couric say?

Affirmative action?  Even Ann Coulter knows that black people are relentless victims, and it will take centuries to make that right with special treatment.

Criminal justice reform?  White people are always picking on black people, especially cops, prosecutors, judges, and juries.  Let 'em out.  Besides, white people deserve black violence so wildly out of proportion.

Islam?  It's only a few backwards people in few backwards places.  And as for genital mutilation, martyrdom, childhood marriage, genetic levels of anti-Semitism, hyper-violence, and everything else that makes non-Muslims such eager targets for Muslims, we will get used to that.  That's what tolerant people (like us) have to do. 

Lower taxes?  Any response with the word "trickle" will suffice.

This is an old formula, and it's still a long one.  Still practiced today, despite the fact that it has never been less successful.

Today's latest contender for the nicer, Pepsi-generation conservative is Margaret Hoover.  Politico could not have said it any more breathlessly, or with any more desperation, than in a recent headline announcing Hoover as the newest entry into the Nicer Conservative sweepstakes: "Is America Ready for Kinder, Gentler Political TV? 

"William F. Buckley's genteel talk show seems hopelessly out of step with today's debates.  Its revival is betting on that for its success."

If you do not remember Hoover from her stint at Fox News, don't feel bad: her blonde hair, red dress, and homespun Midwestern attitude were right out of central casting.  Her claim to fame was a regular feature with Bill O'Reilly, where she schooled him on all the cool and hip things Republicans had to do in order to avoid the tsunami of Democrat leadership for the next one million years.

Bill played along with trademark faux grumpiness as Hoover explained the latest fad that conservatives had better embrace before it is too late.

But I remember her most distinctly when she moved over to CNN, just in time for the kerfuffle surrounding St. Michael Brown of Ferguson and how cops were going around shooting black people.

It did not take Hoover long to get suckered into the liberal mantra of "Hands up, don't shoot."  She and her cohorts held their hands over their heads while one of them displayed the sign touting that fairy tale.

Even the Washington Post eventually figured out that that entire news display was one large farce.  Hoover and her liberal pals could not get enough of it.

This is the person PBS affiliates around the country are now bragging is the new conservative to take the place of William Buckley.  Even Politico had to admit that it was curious that the new PBS house conservative did not really hold many conservative values, let alone actually like any real conservatives.

Nevertheless, she is plying her nonexistent conservative credentials on PBS with great fanfare, much as David Brooks, Peggy Noonan, and Charles Krauthammer did in 2008 with the election of the Great Unifier, Barack Obama.

It's a lot like what those old luminaries' NeverTrump successors do today.  Jonah Goldberg, for example, just published a column reminding everyone how conservative he is, but today's conservatives are worse than McCarthyites, because at least that crowd from the '50s had something to crow about.

In the meantime, I'll be waiting for all the liberals to flock to the new face of conservative victory – just as they did with John McCain, George Romney, Chris Christie, John Kasich, Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, Jeff Flake, Bob Corker, John Boehner, Paul Ryan, Carly Fiorina, and the hundreds of others waiting for their pathetically ignorant base to catch up with their bold but still unrecognized brilliant leadership.

Colin Flaherty is an award-winning reporter and author of that scintillating bestseller, Don't Make the Black Kids Angry.  Not recommended for the kinder and gentler conservative crowd.  You can find him at Minds.com/ColinFlaherty.