There's more than one way to skin a cat, and Cook County, IL Democrats are proving there's more than one way to steal an election.

Republican Joe Walsh appeared to defeat Democratic incumbent Melissa Bean in the race for congressman in IL-8 on election night by several hundred votes. That's when the entertainment portion of the program began.

Campaign Spot:

Provenzano offers a description of an exceptionally odd ballot-counting process: "On Election Night, there were six precincts that were still not counted at 1 a.m. We discovered that they had problems in the polling place and were moved to nearby Elgin, Illinois to count the ballots. At some point in the middle of the night all six precincts - representing thousands of votes - had been moved to Cicero, Illinois for ‘safe keeping' . . . . We immediately dispatched legal counsel to ensure the chain of custody was not compromised and we have been chasing ballots ever since. On Friday evening, the Bean campaign approached the Cook County Clerk's Office, requested and received a list of all outstanding absentee ballots with name, address, and phone numbers. As alarming as that was, they also asked for and were provided an exact image of a blank absentee ballot."

"Identifying potential mischief, the Illinois GOP dispatched volunteers to track down these voters to ensure no foul play was occurring with these outstanding ballots," Provenzano continues. "What they found was alarming. They documented their findings on affidavits and they were submitted to law enforcement for review."

The affidavits describe one voter who had not lived at the listed address in the past 15 years; a voter who a caregiver said "could not respond to questions because of dementia," and a group of ballots sent to a Clearbrook home for the mentally disabled in Rolling Meadows, Illinois.

Note to non-Chicagoans: Taking ballots to Cicero for "safekeeping" is like giving your "good faith" money to the daughter of the tribal chief of the Mbulus in Nigeria in return for promised millions. Still a mobbed up town - true going back to the days when Al Capone lived there - the chances that everything is on the up and up with those ballots in Cicero are about as good as the Cubs winning a World Series title next year.

Yes, but don't talk to AG Holder about vote fraud in Illinois. Walsh is white.