This Global Warming is freezing my butt off. I wish Al Gore would come down here to the southern mountain ranges of New Mexico and give those of us who have some doubts regarding his great truths that we are simply experiencing the inexplicable ramifications of his pontifications that absolutely any and every statistical aberration in global weather can be attributed to Global Warming. Right now, with snow up to my buns and ambient temperatures below zero across New Mexico for the first time in decades, I could use a little reassurance.

Know what I mean, Al?

Let's see if I got this straight, Al. My butt is colder because the Earth's getting warmer. OK, that being the case, I got just one question for you, Al:

How much warmer will the globe get before I freeze to death?

Millions of Americans want to know.