The Supreme Court has allowed a lawsuit against the government to proceed alleging that the government has caused "global warming," which has harmed the teenage litigants.  I think these kids are the environmental equivalent of suicide bombers, set to detonate within our legal system in the hopes of destroying industry and commerce.

The youngest litigant is eight years old – eight years old, and he has an opinion on global warming.  Well, I suppose if an eight-year-old is qualified to change his sex, he's also qualified to be an expert on earth science.

The youngest plaintiff, 8-year-old Levi Draheim, said he can no longer swim in the river near his home in Indialantic, Florida, because of an increase in bacteria and fish die-offs.  

And that has to do with global warming how...?

Meanwhile, 15-year-old Xiuhtezcatl Martinez says that global warming is harming the future of children.

Climate change threatens the forests surrounding Martinez's home in Boulder, Colorado, and will lead to a scarcity of water, the complaint says.

I think the massive influx of illegal aliens has led to a scarcity of water.  Do you think Xiuhtezcatl has a problem with that?

Another plaintiff, 18-year-old Alexander Lozak, said that extreme drought conditions are threatening the Oregon land that his great, great, great, great, grandmother first farmed.

Perhaps Alexander should be suing the Sun.

Never have so many been so ignorant for so long.

1. In order to have a cause of action, one must allege harm.  No one can show harm caused by global warming, because global warming does not exist.  Changes in weather do not demonstrate the hand of man.  Men do not have the power to change the weather.

2. When I say global warming doesn't exist, I mean it literally.  The globe is not warming in any significant way.

3. The idea that man-made carbon dioxide affects anything is ridiculous, since most CO2 is produced by the environment.

4. The idea that CO2 traps heat is ridiculous, since CO2 is less than 0.01% of the air in the atmosphere.

In short, there isn't even a workable theory of global warming.  Not only is there no workable theory, but there are no provable allegations of harm, unless one plans to sue for sunny days, cloudy days, and rainy days, acting as if mankind is responsible for all of it.

I don't blame the kids; they're brainwashed.  Instead of learning about capitalism and the Constitution, they are taught about white guilt, male guilt, and environmental guilt (did I leave anything out?).  I blame the judges who allow this to go forward.  There are supposed to be standards for bringing a case.  These kids don't even have standing.  They haven't been harmed.  I think the justices might just be dumber than the kids.

Ed Straker is the senior writer at Newsmachete.com.