For the last twenty years, the last thing on Hillary Clinton's mind was making a fashion statement.  Instead, in the years following her last appearance at the Met Gala, Hillary spent most of her time plotting world domination; arranging her server in her linen closet; smashing phones with hammers; and laughing like a hyena at the wedding of the man who, in 2016, wrested the presidency from her chubby post-menopausal hands.

Fast-forward to 2022, casting no aspersions on beets, looking somewhat like an oversized bloody beetroot primed for addition to a bowl of Russian borscht, the former first lady, former secretary of state, and former target of Bosnian sniper fire showed up resplendently maskless on the Met Gala red carpet.  Accompanying her was what appeared to be a masked black servant-type who kneeled while arranging the folds of her gown so she wouldn't trip and fracture her other wrist. 

Based on the color of her dress, her outfit would have been appropriate for paying homage to either abortion or Benghazi.  It's really a shame that the news about Roe v. Wade wasn't leaked before the event.  If it had been, instead of historic glass ceiling–breakers, Hillary could have paid her respects to infanticide champions.  And instead of an ode to "homemakers and seamstresses," she could have donned a stylized hospital gown with the names of late-term abortionists Susan Robinson and Shelley Sella embroidered across the front.  

Nonetheless, for her bi-decade appearance, this time Hillary worked with a French designer, Joseph Altuzarra, who fashioned a blood-red ball gown for the aged Cinderella.  On it, he embroidered the names of deceased women, whom the former first lady claims to represent.

Altuzarra told Vogue magazine:

I knew that I wanted the dress to have a personal component for her. When someone like Hillary goes to the Met, it's not just like, 'There's Hillary at the Met and she's wearing a dress.' It has a lot of significance. I felt like I had to be very thoughtful about what the dress would mean to the theme and the occasion. 

Folksy Americana aside, having never embroidered a thing in her life, Hillary said the dress embellishment "also reflected Joseph's interest in what were called 'friendship quilts' that women used to embroider sayings or phrases or the names of family or friends."  A nice touch could have been to embroider the names of Hillary's dead friends as a reminder of the morgue quilts that cover the corpses of all the "suicide" and Benghazi victims Hillary and Bill would rather forget.

Maybe in 2042! 

Instead, this year, hand-stitched around the bib of the burgundy gown, in Altuzarra's handwriting, were the names of sixty historic dearly departed heroines.  Some of the listed icons include the late mother of the only woman to lose a presidential election to Donald Trump, Dorothy Rodham, and the first female Clinton secretary of state, Madeleine "special place in hell" Albright.  

On the circular registry was also the name of the toothy ghost Hillary regularly channeled while residing in the White House, Eleanor Roosevelt.  To ensure that every politically correct base was covered, the list included many women "of color," an androgynous gender-bender doctor from the 1800s, a closeted gay astronaut, a liberal Republican congresswoman, a couple of backslidden Unitarians, and African-American civil and women's rights activists like Dorothy Irene Height, at whose funeral "grief-stricken" Barack Obama cried crocodile tears.

The only person missing was Lucy Lobdell, a woman who became Mrs. George Slater and bore Helen Slater before becoming Joseph Lobdell in 1853.

Floating around on the red carpet, the Queen of Chappaqua stopped and told the masters of ceremony, actress Vanessa Hudgens and Vogue global editor at large Hamish Bowles, "I think we're all happy to be back together, supporting the museum and the costume institute and also celebrating America ... not just the fashion of America, but really the spirit of America."

What's odd is that Hillary's stylish drool bib inadvertently included the names of women whose moral compass, conviction, and deeds made any association with Hillary more hypocritical than Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's 2021 $35,000-a-ticket "Tax the Rich" fashion statement.  

The only thing undisclosed about Hillary's supposed "secret embroidery" was that when thumbing through Wikipedia to gather names of women whose "spirit of America" she wanted us to believe was similar to her own, the guy she dragged along like a butler may have mistakenly included the names of infamous conservative women.

Among those whose viewpoints would have been nothing like Scarlett O'Clinton's, and who would probably rather be excluded from the virtue-signaling collar of her costume, are God-fearing womenfolk like gun-toting abolitionist Harriet Tubman and Bible-carrying civil rights/pro-life activist Rosa Parks.  Even Christian convert and Louisiana territory explorer Sacajawea, and suffragist and women's activist Alice Stokes Paul, who believed that "abortion is the ultimate exploitation of women," were out of place.

Also stitched into the creation were women like the first black female Christian doctor Rebecca Lee Crumpler, minister's daughter, wife, and adviser to former president John Adams, as well as the mother of former president John Quincy Adams Abigail Adams, and professed woman of faith and track and field athlete Florence Joyner.  

Based on history, those esteemed heroines would have individually advocated against Hillary's stance on things like guns, race relations, gender, and most certainly abortion.  These were the types of historic females who would have skipped the glitzy Met Gala in favor of standing on the steps of the Supreme Court, encouraging every justice to follow through on overturning a travesty they would fight to end if they were alive today.

Thrilled with displaying "secret" names on her costume, a giggly Hillary told red carpet sycophants, "I would've filled the entire dress."  Instead, she said, "We decided to stick with women who were no longer with us."  Good thing, because some of the ladies memorialized on her 3,000 yards of floating blood-red material would have probably requested that designer Joseph Altuzarra put down his sewing needle and use his handy embroidery stitch eraser to remove their names from Hillary Clinton's off-the-shoulder circus tent.

Jeannie hosts a blog at www.jeannieology.us.

Image: Vogue via YouTube.